A Letter to you Sir

To you sir I give my apology for misleading you on believing that I am the one for you
To you I give a thousand thanks for being gentle, kind, and merciful
Knowing that I am the one who has lead you to your death
To you I shed tears of agony and pain
For you deserve to be treated like a hero for saving my life
To you sir I pray the Lord will heal your heart
And help you to see things more clearly
To give you the wisdom of not being hurt again by a woman like myself
To you sir, I will bring the wings of freedom
That you have given me as a gift and return them to you
To you sir, I will write a poem to let the world know
That love as gentle and kind as yours is still alive
But it's too late for me I have been slaughtered
On the altar of betrayal and love
For life enjoyment I have been betrayed
From the one who's supposed to honor me for life
I have been sold dear sir without even a value
To the first person who was willing to touch me
And have sex with me
To you sir, I bow down for coming to rescue me
And helping me to stand up and give me the courage to leave my shame behind
To you sir, I owe my life but my soul has been broken
And shattered to millions of pieces
Sir please forgive me I thought I could be free
I owe a big debt to you, but I found out its too late
The vows that I took with him for better or worse
Has taken all the good that was inside of me
I have been left just like a skeleton naked stripped away even from my dignity
I could not tell you sir if I am dead or a life
Sir you have tried to give me a new start
You believed in me when no one did and here I am
Failing you just as bad as I have failed my self
I must return to the person who dishonored me
There's no hope for me all I could do is no good
All I could feel is nothing all that I am is broken goods
So thank you sir for trying to bring me from the dark into the light
For trying to show me that I am human I should have never been betrayed and sold
Thank you sir for believing that I am good and my sins will be forgiven
Thank you for loving me the way you did and honoring me
I am sorry in return I have shattered your heart
And given you back your wings broken
Maybe this will teach you the biggest lesson of your life
A woman like me couldn't be fixed when she's broken
By: Susan Makosch

Fear

Most of us believe fear can exist, but we cannot even give a description of it since no one has seen it. We think fear is something to do with only emotion that causes changes to our body. I say that is true, but fear is evident and real just like you and me. I knew a man who had seen it; he showed up in my dream and he began to tell me what has become of him and his family.

He said, Imagine sweaty palms, heart racing to the point you feel its going to leap out of your chest. Your eyes are full of tears; your thoughts are scattered like a puzzle. Your fear is grabbing every muscle of your body to the point that you cant even breathe. You are trying very hard to close your eyes and pray to let these feeling go a way, but a sudden knock on your door makes you realize that the feelings that you just experienced are about to become part of your living nightmare that you were praying all your life would not happened to you, just like what happened to your next door neighbor. The night the soldiers came and broke into their home, slaughtering every one. But now there was no way out; it was your family turn. So your thoughts are racing one hundred miles per hour. You know your options are limited; if you open the door, your family will die, and if you dont, they will break in and your family will still die. What would you do? What should you do? These are questions that you ask yourself and ask God; looking for a quick answer you realize that God at this point has failed you. They broke into your house and you have no option but to watch what will become of your family right in front of your eyes. This is the time to ask for Gods mercy to grant you the gift of losing your eye site, to grant you the wish of being deaf, even the wish of death itself, but you know nothing will be granted, so you just watch while your family is slaughtered one by one in front of you. Your older son is massacred first, and then comes your younger children with no regard to their sex or age any more, then your pregnant wife is killed, and finally your unborn child, the only one who was blessed before he was born not to see what is about to become of him, is killed. You are just standing there with your hands tied behind your back, with a solider by your side making sure that you are watching, hearing, and dieing at the same moment. Hes making sure you are not dieing quickly but a slow death piece by piece, and he knows every time they are slaughtering your family members that you are feeling the pain; you are being crucified alive.

Finally, when their job is done, they untie your hands and leave you with an insanity script playing in your head, just like a movie that keeps rewinding and playing itself over and over. You are not aware of fiction or nonfiction any more. With a bizarre twist, your fear is playing a game with you. You see the bodies, touch them, and your fear is laughing at you, and mocking you, asking you what you are going to do. Are you going to live and be called a coward for the rest of your life? Are you going to kill yourself and kill those barbarians who did this to your family? Fear is occupying your heart just like those murderers occupying your land. Unsure of what to do, like a mad man who was left on the loose, you take a last look at what was at one time your family, you make your decision, and you strap a bomb to your waist and you go into their homes, their fun places, their place of worship, and you just let go of the handle. You die killing with you what no one will ever understand, what is left of your miserable soul.

Not realizing even after your death they still win and you lost, you are portrayed as a suicide bomber, who slaughtered their innocent people, with no mention of what led you to such a resolution. They accuse you of slaughtering your family, so they change your image to a maniac who killed for no reason. You are gone, your family is gone, your reputation is gone, and there is no one who will have the moral fiber to satisfy the truth and say what really happened, for if the truth was spoken, they know what will become of their own family, and they will end up with the same conviction, but with a different twist of faith.

Oh, my God this dream was horrifying. I wake up in a puddle of sweat, with tears in my eyes. I could not accept as true that humans could do such injustice. I sat in my bed trying not to think about that unfortunate man and what had become of his family. I have felt his fear; it was real; everything he described to me, I felt. Fear could do us injustice and it could lead us to so much trouble. My heart was about to dive out of my chest; I thought I would pass away of a heart attack, thinking if that happened to my family, what would I do? Fear could posses us and leads us into doing the unthinkable, so we must always be aware of its power and its control.

By: Susan Makosch

Suicide Note

You are all blind you could never see

The pain and the loneliness

That is killing me

Your expectation of me to be

Just what you want me to be

Is tiring me apart and taking

What ever good thats left in me

You want me to be just like you

Loved by a society that doesnt

Give a damn about me or you

I am giving you all the signs

So you could see

And save someone else before

It become of him

What became of me

Your mouth, your mouth making you curl

You talk and believe in God

But you are not pure

You see me and sometimes you see the signs

When are you going to open up your heart?

And stop being so blind

You point the finger and laugh at me

Deep within yourself you say

It will never happen to me

For every up there will be downs

Your turn will come

So stick a round

You will one day go through

What I am writing in this

Poem for you

Suicide note its not for you to cry for me

Its a weak up call for humanity

At the end I am telling you

Weak up the God that have slept inside of you

Poem by: Susan Makosch (Nadia)

Dreaming of You

Tonight I am going to dream of you

I am going to rest my head on your shoulder

And close my eyes and just run to you

Tonight I am going to allow myself

To run wild and be free

I am going to fly across the ocean

To reach out to you

And ask you to take me in your arms

To hold me tight

To tell me every thing is going to be all right

Tonight I need you like I always did

And when you heal me

I am going to return and fly across the ocean

Back to my bed and leave you behind

Just like I have don before

Tonight I am going to have my quick fix

Of loving you as I should

And when I wake up

I am going to close my heart

And go back to being dead again

I will go with my normal day

Do what I need to do

And as soon darkness creep in

I am going to go to my bed and close my eyes

I am going to dream, and fly to you

In my dreams no one could tell me I could never be with you

Or how I should live my life without you

No one could control the way we feel

Its just me and you and it feels so real

I didnt like the darkness before

Until I have found a new home in you

Poem by : Susan Makosch (Nadia)