Fear

Most of us believe fear can exist, but we cannot even give a description of it since no one has seen it. We think fear is something to do with only emotion that causes changes to our body. I say that is true, but fear is evident and real just like you and me. I knew a man who had seen it; he showed up in my dream and he began to tell me what has become of him and his family.

He said, Imagine sweaty palms, heart racing to the point you feel its going to leap out of your chest. Your eyes are full of tears; your thoughts are scattered like a puzzle. Your fear is grabbing every muscle of your body to the point that you cant even breathe. You are trying very hard to close your eyes and pray to let these feeling go a way, but a sudden knock on your door makes you realize that the feelings that you just experienced are about to become part of your living nightmare that you were praying all your life would not happened to you, just like what happened to your next door neighbor. The night the soldiers came and broke into their home, slaughtering every one. But now there was no way out; it was your family turn. So your thoughts are racing one hundred miles per hour. You know your options are limited; if you open the door, your family will die, and if you dont, they will break in and your family will still die. What would you do? What should you do? These are questions that you ask yourself and ask God; looking for a quick answer you realize that God at this point has failed you. They broke into your house and you have no option but to watch what will become of your family right in front of your eyes. This is the time to ask for Gods mercy to grant you the gift of losing your eye site, to grant you the wish of being deaf, even the wish of death itself, but you know nothing will be granted, so you just watch while your family is slaughtered one by one in front of you. Your older son is massacred first, and then comes your younger children with no regard to their sex or age any more, then your pregnant wife is killed, and finally your unborn child, the only one who was blessed before he was born not to see what is about to become of him, is killed. You are just standing there with your hands tied behind your back, with a solider by your side making sure that you are watching, hearing, and dieing at the same moment. Hes making sure you are not dieing quickly but a slow death piece by piece, and he knows every time they are slaughtering your family members that you are feeling the pain; you are being crucified alive.

Finally, when their job is done, they untie your hands and leave you with an insanity script playing in your head, just like a movie that keeps rewinding and playing itself over and over. You are not aware of fiction or nonfiction any more. With a bizarre twist, your fear is playing a game with you. You see the bodies, touch them, and your fear is laughing at you, and mocking you, asking you what you are going to do. Are you going to live and be called a coward for the rest of your life? Are you going to kill yourself and kill those barbarians who did this to your family? Fear is occupying your heart just like those murderers occupying your land. Unsure of what to do, like a mad man who was left on the loose, you take a last look at what was at one time your family, you make your decision, and you strap a bomb to your waist and you go into their homes, their fun places, their place of worship, and you just let go of the handle. You die killing with you what no one will ever understand, what is left of your miserable soul.

Not realizing even after your death they still win and you lost, you are portrayed as a suicide bomber, who slaughtered their innocent people, with no mention of what led you to such a resolution. They accuse you of slaughtering your family, so they change your image to a maniac who killed for no reason. You are gone, your family is gone, your reputation is gone, and there is no one who will have the moral fiber to satisfy the truth and say what really happened, for if the truth was spoken, they know what will become of their own family, and they will end up with the same conviction, but with a different twist of faith.

Oh, my God this dream was horrifying. I wake up in a puddle of sweat, with tears in my eyes. I could not accept as true that humans could do such injustice. I sat in my bed trying not to think about that unfortunate man and what had become of his family. I have felt his fear; it was real; everything he described to me, I felt. Fear could do us injustice and it could lead us to so much trouble. My heart was about to dive out of my chest; I thought I would pass away of a heart attack, thinking if that happened to my family, what would I do? Fear could posses us and leads us into doing the unthinkable, so we must always be aware of its power and its control.

By: Susan Makosch